Plum Blossom Time-Part 2

Originally posted on FB November 25, 2014-

PLUM BLOSSOM TIME – PART 2

(The long-promised follow up and “Lessons Learned” post about my experiences at the 2014 Plum Blossom Federation tournament in San Francisco)-

As I wrote in Part 1, this tournament was a great experience. Recent events have made me even more grateful for this experience. I became unemployed as of last Friday, so I’m even more grateful that I went while I could afford to make the trip. These tournaments are always great learning experiences, and this one was no exception.

Here are some lessons I took away from this tournament, along with some things I learned about myself:

Mentally, you need to be ready to go the minute you walk through the door. Certainly you want to stretch, warm up, and have some quiet time, but the schedules typically fluctuate at these events, and your event could come up sooner than you think. I was outside stretching and warming up when I heard the first call for my Tai Chi hand form event. I had to dash back in, and stash my backpack under one of the judges’ chairs because there wasn’t time to go back to my seat. This is where visualization comes in-I had already” walked through” my routine mentally shortly after I arrived at the arena earlier that morning.

You need to find a spot to warm up, and you may need to be a little aggressive in “claiming your territory” to do it, especially in a smaller venue. I’m not suggesting anyone act rudely, but once you begin your warmup, you don’t need to give that space up and move just because some people drift into that area and start socializing. They can always find another spot. I will say, though, that this type of practice should be limited to stretching and hand form practice-find a more isolated spot for weapons practice.

Every venue will have its quirks, and you simply have to deal with them-it’s part of being a martial artist and a competitor. For example, the Kezar Pavilion (site of the Plum Blossom tournament) is a very small venue. It doesn’t have a lot of open space where you can stretch, warm up, etc. This means you’ll probably end up outside, on a less than perfect surface. You need to be prepared for this mentally, so it doesn’t throw you off. Also, they don’t put down mats on the floor. You’re performing on a very shiny, slightly slick basketball floor, so it might help to wear different shoes than you normally would at school. (I’m glad I ended up not doing Push Hands this year; several competitors wearing the same kind of shoes I had slipped and nearly went down during their bouts.) After my “mad dash” to the first event, I learned that if I went outside and stayed near one of the emergency exit doors on the sides of the Pavilion (some of which were opened for ventilation), I could clearly hear all of the announcements, and get back inside in plenty of time for my event.

This tournament really showed me the value of staying relaxed, and just experiencing the whole event, without expecting everything to be “perfect” or to go a certain way. Keeping this in mind actually helped my confidence a lot when I went on the floor. Sure, I practiced a lot leading up to the tournament, but consciously choosing to stay relaxed built on that and really made the difference. I was much more aware of everything I was doing-not only did this state allow me to make some “real time” corrections in my form as I went along, it really enriched the whole experience. I had hoped that someone would get a snapshot or two of me performing, and was initially a bit disappointed when that didn’t happen. The more I reflected on it though, I realized that I had wanted a picture of myself, but didn’t NEED one to fully remember and reflect on my experiences – I know what I did that day, and what it felt like, because I was truly “there”.

The awareness also allowed some more of my natural determination to kick in-as so often happens, you’ll practice a particular part of your form multiple times and execute it perfectly, only to run into trouble when you actually perform. There is a toe kick sequence in my flute form, which I must have practiced 10-12 times outside and felt really strong doing it. Sure enough, during my performance, the right leg rose up into the crane and I started to feel wobbly. I had a quick internal argument with myself, where I debated tapping my toe and starting that section again. Ultimately, in my mind I said, “NO! I did not endure all of the practice, and come all this way, to let down now. I will hold my crane and do my kick, even if I look wobbly and score poorly because of it. I will NOT walk off this floor feeling disappointed in myself.” I held on, and finished the kick, although it was a bit shaky. (In the interest of full disclosure, though, when it turned out I’d tied for third and they asked me to come out onto the floor again, I was intensely relieved that the judges only asked us for a 30-second performance. This meant I wouldn’t need to do the kick again since it was near the end of the form. My feeling was more along the lines of, “Woo hoo! I get to go again!!’).

This was a significant competition and a significant performance for me in both events, and I’m so grateful I was able to go and participate.

Grief

One of my favorite Dean Koontz quotes, in memory of my mother (Originally posted on FB July 27, 2014)-

“Grief can destroy you --or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. OR you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it.

 

But when it's over and you're alone, you begin to see that it wasn't just a movie and a dinner together, not just watching sunsets together, not just scrubbing a floor or washing dishes together or worrying over a high electric bill. It was everything, it was the why of life, every event and precious moment of it.

 

The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can't get off your knees for a long time, you're driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss but by gratitude for what preceded the loss. And the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life.”

Dean Koontz, from "Odd Hours"

"I Have A Story...."

Originally posted on FB May 25, 2014-

"I have a story...."

These words came out of my mouth Saturday morning, and led to an awesome experience. The White Dragon martial arts schools (the entire chain, not just my school), are updating their website, and had asked for students to share testimonials about their martial arts experience. Now, as much as I've written about my martial arts training and adventures, sitting down in front of a video camera and talking about it is the last thing I thought I'd ever do. So, my initial reaction was, "not me."

Still, I wanted to support the effort, so Saturday morning, I headed over to the filming site (the Mira Mesa school). The intent was to film the interviews against the backdrop of a group class in session, so White Dragon invited anyone who was interested to attend group classes at the filming site that day. I figured my contribution would be to perform in the background as an "extra" (which I did). Until I arrived at the school, this was still my plan.

On the way over, I was thinking about my accident in January. It was on my mind since part of the weekend's agenda was to go through the increasing pile of insurance and medical paperwork related to it. I was also thinking about my upcoming trip to the dentist; as it turns out, some of my dental work (crowns) was damaged in the impact, so I've got another thing to deal with related to the accident.

I arrived at school, got into uniform, and went out onto the mat for group class. One of the instructors was making the rounds, offering everyone a "last chance" at signing up for a video interview. She asked us if anyone were willing to talk about how training at White Dragon had changed their life, or "if you just have a story."

Something about what she said lit up the idea/inspiration area in my brain. I raised my hand, and said,

"I have a story."

The videos were done in an informal interview format; one of the Sifus from the other schools interviewed me. After introducing myself (and mentioning my school :-) ), we talked a bit about how I'd gotten interested in Tai Chi in particular, the challenges I'd faced in training, and the gains I'd made in my martial arts work.

He also asked me about my most significant memory (this year's Dragon Cup), and then asked me what I considered my greatest victory in martial arts so far.

I said, "my martial arts training helped me survive the most violent encounter of my life-but not in the way you might think."

I went on to tell him about how the improvement in my conditioning helped me to get through my auto accident in January; I believe my improved flexibility aided in absorbing/reacting to the impact of the crash, as well as helping my recovery from the injuries I did suffer. I also talked about how the awareness and focus I've learned through martial arts is helping me deal with my accident-related PTSD issues.

I closed the interview by encouraging anyone interested in martial arts to give it a try, and commented on the very supportive atmosphere at my school (and all the others, I'm sure).

I'm not sure if they will use my interview, but I'm glad I did it. Several people came up to me afterward and thanked me for sharing my story, so even if I only reached/helped someone in the room, it was worth it.

I overheard some things in the other interviews which touched my heart as well. One of the reasons I got into Tai Chi was specifically to improve my balance and coordination-it's something I have struggled with all my life, and continues to be a challenge in my practice (although I have improved quite a bit from when I started). I was surprised and touched to hear several men in my own age bracket speak along the same lines. I was especially touched by one gentleman who spoke about having self-esteem issues related to doing "physical stuff", even after achieving a lot of success in the military and in the business world.

Hearing that brought back a lot of memories of my own struggles with physical activity growing up (see my early post, "Grace"). It was just another reminder that, even though each of our stories is unique to us, we are rarely, if ever, truly alone in dealing with feelings like this, and the memories and feelings of the boys we once were can stay with us a long, long, time.

It was a special and emotional day that I'll remember for a long, long time.

Dragon Cup 2014

Originally posted on FB May 6, 2014-

DRAGON CUP REPORT

Over the last couple of days, I've really enjoyed all of the online photo sharing, commenting, and general bantering about the fun and adventures everybody had at Saturday's Dragon Cup. Now, I'd like to put down some more serious thoughts and recollections.

First, I'm really pleased overall with how well I was able to follow my plan in prepping for the tournament and for tournament day itself. I was comfortable, well rested and hydrated, and didn't feel stressed. An improvement over last year. Looking ahead, I'll do more warm up exercise than I did this year, but overall it was a positive.

Whoever said, "80% of success is showing up" could have been talking about my Push Hands experience. As one of only 3 competitors in my division I was basically guaranteed a medal-but I didn't know that until I showed up and competed. I originally thought, "that's cool-it will help our school standing" when I received my medal, but as the weekend went on, something became more and more clear to me:

I may not have defeated anyone in the ring, but by showing up and competing, I realized I had prevailed over a number of things , including minor injuries, an 18 hour work/travel day on Monday, and my own doubts about competing in Push Hands. I will keep the medal.

I'm proud of my school's turnout-hope to see even more of my El Cajon brothers and sisters out on the floor next year. I also continue to be impressed with all of the hard work from the judges-hope I remembered to thank them at each of my events.

While I didn't medal in each event per my original goals, I did have a big "win" in that I was able to stay calm and project confidence when I stepped into the ring. I'm proud of that.

One Night At Practice....

Originally posted on Facebook April 17, 2014-

Good class and practice session tonight. We did our Tai Chi outside because the adult sparring class was working in the main room. It was chilly outside (does not feel like April), but a very slow run-through of the 24 Step form got us warmed up. Went inside for a little bit of standing meditation. All of this apparently got me more relaxed and focused than I realized:

Toward the end of my solo practice session, I was working on some details of my weapon form, particularly the opening move. In this move you do an inward swing and strike, finishing with your elbow down and palm facing upward. In the last 6 inches or so, you flick your wrist a bit and "snap" the flute. I was working on the details and timing of this, and flicked a bit too much, "snapping" the weapon right out of my hand.

What happened next was really cool-everything sort of went into slow motion, as the flute did a 180 degree flat spin in the air in front of me. I swear I could feel my eyes moving as they tracked it, and my hand just stayed open, rotated a bit and shifted left about 3 inches, to basically let the flute come back into my hand. No grabbing for it, no jerky reaction, it all just happened-pretty cool!! I will NOT attempt a repeat of this at the tournament.

Reflections On The Learning Process

Originally posted on Facebook, April 12, 2014-

Wow-Some things have started coming together in my martial arts practice in a most interesting way, really just over the last few days. Throughout my life, every so often I've had a recurring sequence of events occur when I was trying to learn something-typically some type of physical activity. I'd reach a point in the process where I knew in my heart that I was just not connecting with the teaching method being used, and I probably never would. This usually led to a lot of frustration, sadness, harsh self-criticism, and going into a kind of passive withdrawal. The end result was either quitting the activity, or holding my frustrations in until things just boiled over, with unpleasant results for everyone around me.

Over the years, I learned to deal with this by essentially figuring out how to get what I needed on my own, whether that involved seeking other instruction, or spending a lot of time on my own figuring out how to teach myself what I wanted to know. I would put on my "mask," go to school, lessons, or whatever, then retreat as soon as I could to a private time and place where I would figure things out for myself in a way I understood, then practice relentlessly. I came to really enjoy this private time, but always wondered why things had to go so far, and I had to feel so badly about it. In the end I'd make progress, sometimes, a lot of progress, and whoever was teaching (or thought they were) would congratulate themselves on doing a hell of a good job. I'd just smile behind my "mask," and say to myself, "if only you knew." Effective, but not the most healthy process.

My big breakthrough is that I saw this happening with a portion of my martial arts practice, and was able to "read the signs" thins time, and take some proactive steps in a healthier manner, which will help my learning, and keep me from alienating some people around me.

Try as I might, I have had minimal success in improving at Push Hands, our Tai Chi combative form. (Not enough space to explain Push Hands here-suffice it to say, it involves a lot of sensitivity, intuitive thinking and action, and improvisation. All things which I find very difficult to learn). I've felt really lost at this for a long time, and no matter how insightful and helpful the comments my training partners and instructors would offer after a bout, it wasn't enough-I needed to find a way to FEEL all of this.

I came to realize that I really needed to break this down into small chunks to learn it properly. I needed practice in sensing the opponent's energy, getting used to the idea of being pushed so I don't overreact, and learning some basic attacks/counter moves that I don't have to think about. I did some reading and was really interested to learn that there are literally hundreds of Push Hands drills/exercises you can do with a training partner or instructor that develop and hone those very skills. The light went on, and I told myself,"that's what you need to do-that is how you will learn and master this." Focusing on the components of this I think will help me "get" this at a gut level, which is exactly what I need to do. With that base of skills, I can progress into the more intuitive/improvisational aspect of Push Hands, which really interests me.

So, what was different this time? I read and researched, as I typically do, but I have a teacher who will listen to me (very important), and I was able to articulate my needs and my ideas for training more clearly than I had in the past. Feeling like there is someone there who is willing to help you, and not interested in being "right" at all costs makes a difference. I gave my teacher one of the books I'd found, and asked him to work with me on some of the drills and exercises during my lessons. Once I have those down, I can ask other students to train and practice with me. Over the long run I think this will benefit me a lot.
I'm proud of myself for putting this together and taking action before my frustrations either led me to quit or soured my attitude. I love my training too much to have that happen. What's really cool, is two days after I shared this with my instructor, some of my classmates brought up similar ideas in an informal discussion after class. Ms. Cabrera and Mr. Duvall-I really appreciate and agree with your comments and suggestions regarding practicing certain attacks, defenses, etc. in class, then moving to the freestyle play. It's like you read my mind! I'm interested to see what happens next.

Third Stripe

Originally published on Facebook, March 29, 2014-


I got my third stripe on my uniform sash today!! Next step is to learn the material for my white fringe test. With the tournament coming up, that will be a while but the third stripe is a big milestone for now.