Grace

Naturally my wife was curious about what I was doing in class, so one night when I came home she asked me to show her some of what we did. We'd worked on a form called Parting the Wild Horse's Mane (everything in Tai Chi has a name), so I showed her a little of what we'd done. Her first comment was, "you're so graceful."

You could have knocked me over with a feather. NO ONE has EVER said that to me in my entire life, with regard to any kind of movement or physical activity. It's just not part of my reality or how I see myself.

Part of this perception comes from being clumsy and awkward at sports and such when I was a child, and part of it comes from my feelings about my size (this is my size, not my weight; important distinction, as we'll see in a moment).

Growing up, my size was always associated with clumsiness and awkwardness-grace never entered into the picture. Indeed, I was the antithesis of grace in some people's eyes. Although never overweight as a child, I rarely got much positive feedback on my height, my reach, or the size of my hands and feet. Big definitely didn't mean graceful, and as a boy it didn't mean masculine, imposing, or powerful.

Big meant clumsy.
Big meant try not to break anything.
Big meant get your big feet out of the way, or don't take so many potato chips in your big mitts.

So, hearing my wife describe me as "graceful" released a lot of that, and opened up some new avenues of thought. If I can be graceful, I need not fear being powerful, strong, or imposing, because I really can control all of that. I will not break anything, or hurt anyone (unless I need to).

Wow, that made me feel good. Makes me want to practice every day.

Tai Chi

I got going on my Tai Chi classes just before the July 4th holiday. I've never been to a martial arts school of any kind before, so it was a new experience for me in many ways. I had some reservations about the facility at first; it's clean but rather small so sometimes we do our practice outside. But the more classes I attended, the better I liked the school, the instructors, and the other students. I signed up for classes and a monthly lesson through the end of the year; I'll decide from there whether I want to continue.

July 11th

236.4

The Starting Line

I'm feeling a new resolve in my quest for fitness. Inspired by a friend I am renewing my efforts to eat better, take better care of myself, and be more active. So, periodically I will post my weight and other stats, as a marker of my progress. I began weighing myself regularly again on July 4th (I know, not the best thing to start on a holiday when you'll probably eat a lot, but hey, I was ready to start!) So, as of July 4th - 237.4.

The Idea

My thoughts, opinions, experiences, and general dissertation on my quest to get in shape and stay in shape. Some of this will spill over into discussion about self-image, body image, personality and presence, and sometimes I'll throw in something completely unrelated, just for fun.