Grace

Naturally my wife was curious about what I was doing in class, so one night when I came home she asked me to show her some of what we did. We'd worked on a form called Parting the Wild Horse's Mane (everything in Tai Chi has a name), so I showed her a little of what we'd done. Her first comment was, "you're so graceful."

You could have knocked me over with a feather. NO ONE has EVER said that to me in my entire life, with regard to any kind of movement or physical activity. It's just not part of my reality or how I see myself.

Part of this perception comes from being clumsy and awkward at sports and such when I was a child, and part of it comes from my feelings about my size (this is my size, not my weight; important distinction, as we'll see in a moment).

Growing up, my size was always associated with clumsiness and awkwardness-grace never entered into the picture. Indeed, I was the antithesis of grace in some people's eyes. Although never overweight as a child, I rarely got much positive feedback on my height, my reach, or the size of my hands and feet. Big definitely didn't mean graceful, and as a boy it didn't mean masculine, imposing, or powerful.

Big meant clumsy.
Big meant try not to break anything.
Big meant get your big feet out of the way, or don't take so many potato chips in your big mitts.

So, hearing my wife describe me as "graceful" released a lot of that, and opened up some new avenues of thought. If I can be graceful, I need not fear being powerful, strong, or imposing, because I really can control all of that. I will not break anything, or hurt anyone (unless I need to).

Wow, that made me feel good. Makes me want to practice every day.