Reflections On The Learning Process

Originally posted on Facebook, April 12, 2014-

Wow-Some things have started coming together in my martial arts practice in a most interesting way, really just over the last few days. Throughout my life, every so often I've had a recurring sequence of events occur when I was trying to learn something-typically some type of physical activity. I'd reach a point in the process where I knew in my heart that I was just not connecting with the teaching method being used, and I probably never would. This usually led to a lot of frustration, sadness, harsh self-criticism, and going into a kind of passive withdrawal. The end result was either quitting the activity, or holding my frustrations in until things just boiled over, with unpleasant results for everyone around me.

Over the years, I learned to deal with this by essentially figuring out how to get what I needed on my own, whether that involved seeking other instruction, or spending a lot of time on my own figuring out how to teach myself what I wanted to know. I would put on my "mask," go to school, lessons, or whatever, then retreat as soon as I could to a private time and place where I would figure things out for myself in a way I understood, then practice relentlessly. I came to really enjoy this private time, but always wondered why things had to go so far, and I had to feel so badly about it. In the end I'd make progress, sometimes, a lot of progress, and whoever was teaching (or thought they were) would congratulate themselves on doing a hell of a good job. I'd just smile behind my "mask," and say to myself, "if only you knew." Effective, but not the most healthy process.

My big breakthrough is that I saw this happening with a portion of my martial arts practice, and was able to "read the signs" thins time, and take some proactive steps in a healthier manner, which will help my learning, and keep me from alienating some people around me.

Try as I might, I have had minimal success in improving at Push Hands, our Tai Chi combative form. (Not enough space to explain Push Hands here-suffice it to say, it involves a lot of sensitivity, intuitive thinking and action, and improvisation. All things which I find very difficult to learn). I've felt really lost at this for a long time, and no matter how insightful and helpful the comments my training partners and instructors would offer after a bout, it wasn't enough-I needed to find a way to FEEL all of this.

I came to realize that I really needed to break this down into small chunks to learn it properly. I needed practice in sensing the opponent's energy, getting used to the idea of being pushed so I don't overreact, and learning some basic attacks/counter moves that I don't have to think about. I did some reading and was really interested to learn that there are literally hundreds of Push Hands drills/exercises you can do with a training partner or instructor that develop and hone those very skills. The light went on, and I told myself,"that's what you need to do-that is how you will learn and master this." Focusing on the components of this I think will help me "get" this at a gut level, which is exactly what I need to do. With that base of skills, I can progress into the more intuitive/improvisational aspect of Push Hands, which really interests me.

So, what was different this time? I read and researched, as I typically do, but I have a teacher who will listen to me (very important), and I was able to articulate my needs and my ideas for training more clearly than I had in the past. Feeling like there is someone there who is willing to help you, and not interested in being "right" at all costs makes a difference. I gave my teacher one of the books I'd found, and asked him to work with me on some of the drills and exercises during my lessons. Once I have those down, I can ask other students to train and practice with me. Over the long run I think this will benefit me a lot.
I'm proud of myself for putting this together and taking action before my frustrations either led me to quit or soured my attitude. I love my training too much to have that happen. What's really cool, is two days after I shared this with my instructor, some of my classmates brought up similar ideas in an informal discussion after class. Ms. Cabrera and Mr. Duvall-I really appreciate and agree with your comments and suggestions regarding practicing certain attacks, defenses, etc. in class, then moving to the freestyle play. It's like you read my mind! I'm interested to see what happens next.